Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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