Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
