Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
