don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
