very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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