Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
