Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
