did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize