I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think my moral compass just broke
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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