Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize