we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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