I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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