Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
