I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
