Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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