K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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