i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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