Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
