he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
