yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
