He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
