Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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