Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
