I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
