Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
