you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
