P.S. I can't hear my feet
home. puking in laundry basket.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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