Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
