I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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