omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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