You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
