i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
