does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
