she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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