I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize