I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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