Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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