just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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