weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
