Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
worst night to have a conscience
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
