Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
