yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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