God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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