I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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