The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
