I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
