i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
why do cheetos always look like penises
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
