I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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