ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
