i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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