I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
