My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drake has all the answers
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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