Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
