well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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