I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
