careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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