You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
