Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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