well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
