I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
