we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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