just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
