Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish you could order shots online.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
