My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
