I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
