That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
